Stop Giving Too Much!

In love it is easy to get caught in the undertow of affection, care and concern.  While these essential qualities are necessary for the health of the relationship, it can become one sided.   When there is a lack of equality in the relationship you may find yourself irritated and drained.  The underlying reasons why overcompensation occurs in relationships points to a sense of lack with the person giving and a sense of entitlement to the person receiving.   This dynamic can lead to a vicious cycle that can lead to years of unhappiness.  If you face this dilemma,  Here are five questions to ask yourself before it is too late.

Am I always calling?

If you find that you are the one that is always reaching out and making plans, there is a lack of participation on your partner’s part.  If your partner’s busy life is taking over the relationship, ask your partner to make time.

Do I receive as much affection as I am giving?

Relationships require affection to keep the fires burning.  If you are giving more affection than your partner you may need to withdraw and let him love you.  Ask him to show you that he loves you through giving kisses, touches, and verbal affirmations.  If your partner is unwilling, there may be a deeper issue that needs addressing.

 How often does my partner initiate sex?

In relationships there is usually one partner that enjoys sex more than the other.  If you find that your “sexual schedule” has been declining, and you are not initiating, talk to your partner.  If you find that you are initiating sex all the time, your worth in the relationship will ultimately dwindle.   In order to have confidence, you must speak your needs and express you desires to your partner.  If your partner has a desire to explore those needs with you, it can jump-start more passion in the relationship!

Am I paying for everything?

In this modern age of relationships, gender rules no longer apply.   “The woman” does not sit pretty and allow “the man” to pay for everything unless there has been an agreement as to such.  But when things are equal between partners financially, emotionally, and sexually, there is deep equanimity and full intimacy between partners.  Men will be more responsive when you give your fair share and they will contribute more in emotional ways because they are not bogged down with the pressures of providing.  It is also very empowering for a woman to have something of her own to give to a relationship.  When a man contributes to a woman, he is demonstrating that he cares deeply by being a loving provider to a woman that provides right back.  If there is more giving on either part, there is chance that partners could feel used, and resentments will fester and break a relationship down.

 Do I feel guilty asking for what I need?

If you feel guilty or scared for asking for your needs to be met in your relationship, there could be abandonment issues lurking in your heart.   If your partner makes you feel guilty or tells you that your needs are too much to handle, there is no chance in your relationship getting due to lesser understanding of love.   Learn to love yourself and choose partners that can give you all that you desire.

 

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