“She put on weight just to spite me, I know it.” He glared at his wife and suddenly wept. “Where is the beautiful woman I married? Where is her ambition? I am just married to the shell of who she was and on top of that, she loves food more than me.” As the couple began to come to terms with the unspoken hurts that created misery the room fell to a hush and she responded. “I hate my life. I hate being married. I have the kids to take care of, laundry to do, a husband to cater to and nothing left for me except food. I have no sex drive, I can’t even think about it. That is what got me in this mess in the first place.” She looked guilty as she allowed the volcanic diatribe to expel from her soul. She had been concealing her unhappiness due to the lack of equality and yes, she put on weight for spite.
When a person lets herself go in a relationship it is usually because the other party in the relationship has somehow dropped the ball. In the couple’s case above, it was complacency and inaction in the relationship on the husband’s part that made his wife feel like she was a glorified maid. When communication breaks down, love waters become tested with other means of attaining attention. She knew her husband was visually stimulated by well- kept physical beauty so she took it away from him in order to “teach him a lesson and get him to notice me.”
In these sad cases of relationship toxicity, whether it is physically or emotionally, the aggressor of self inflicted laziness usually attempts to blame the other person for her unhappiness. In actuality it is a silent statement that said partner is not happy with her life choices after realizing that her expectations have not been met. Instead of having open dialogue, she sweeps issues under the rug letting them fester while punishing her partner. This is a passive aggressive behavior that screams “I’m angry and I hate myself!” and such anger turns out to be a poison for the relationship.
Communication is a great healer in maintaining one’s appearance and overall well-being in a relationship. Relationships are as mirrors and it is your spouse’s responsibility to let you know when he sees a problem arise (yes even your weight) in a loving manner that makes you feel empowered, loved and connected to one another. Talk about expectations, set goals, and make an effort to understand continually changing needs. This not only creates structural equanimity, it also bonds you to one another through the different stages of life.
Letting yourself go is a form of infidelity, especially to you. It is a broken promise to your partner and yourself that says “I will no longer honor our commitment to each other because I do not honor myself.” If you wish to begin anew in your relationship, begin by being honest with your partner about the parts of you that you feel he has neglected. Make a commitment to recall the lost parts of yourself bringing them to complete restoration. Rekindle the relationship with your lover by first loving yourself.