“We had a fabulous night. He made love to me, and I told him I love him. When we woke up the next morning, he was distant and now I have not heard from him for three weeks. I just don’t understand.” She was audibly shaken as she shared her deep fears of abandonment, drawing the parallels from her father leaving to her new found love never requiting the “I love you” or the desire for a relationship. Her big mistake was calling him continually through the week after their connection and she never heard from him again.
When it comes to love, men need a great deal of space to process the situation they are in or about to get into. They need to be in their own element to figure out if a relationship is something they truly desire. They are hardwired to separate, process and decide. During such times, they are completely unavailable to appease their woman’s desires or alleviate her fears. Their time alone or with friends is the sanctuary they crave in order to accept the responsibility on their plate. Men are not just like that with relationships, but with all major life decisions that will change the gravity of their world.
This is the prime reason why men love women that are confident and sure of themselves. They need to be able to have permission from a woman’s insecurities to be themselves. Being an authentic and aware woman is not only sexy, it is a daily practice that gives a woman the courage to allow space in a relationship when space is needed. When a man runs away, it is the woman’s time to rejuvenate and better herself for her benefit and the benefit of the relationship. If you are an insecure woman and you project your trust issues on your man, it will not only degrade the relationship, but also you. No amount of chasing him will make him come back. When he runs, let him go. Some men like the game of the chase, but they are not viable options for a healthy relationship.
He runs because he must. He has to come to terms with the emotional capacity to take care of himself, his life, and your life. The pressures of life often come from a societal view that men are supposed to take care of everything. If you adhere to that archaic way of thinking and expect him to provide for you, foot the bill, be your knight in shining armor all the while earning money and maintaining romance, there will not be a happily ever after. The truth of the matter is that the twenty-first century relationship is one of balance, shared responsibility and removed gender roles.
It all begins with the idea of relationship. Men prefer to arrive at the state of relationship with a sense of ease and fluidity. Questions to a man mean problems and problems are overwhelming. If you wish to have a relationship, don’t confront him with a barrage of questions, give him silent appreciation and plenty of space. This is the crucial, appropriate moment where a man takes the lead. The reward is when you both are sure of yourselves and faithful in one another. Then you will hear him proclaim: “This is what I want.”