“I want to know about ALL the women on his Facebook!” She demandingly spat at me. She compiled a list of names and physical descriptions of Facebook friends of the feminine persuasion and expected me to be able to decipher his intentions toward each one. What is worse is that she said: “Every day I check his Facebook and he doesn’t know that I have his password. He flirts with women from all over the place and yet he doesn’t add me as a friend, but I am sleeping with him so I have the right.”
There are so many things wrong with the situation above on both parts. His part in it was that he gave her no acknowledgement or reassurance as to where their sexual relationship was going. They started out as friends with benefits; he made no claims of exclusivity, and she was insecure. They decided to become sexual way too early in the relationship and now she felt like just a number. The other problem is that she was very insistent on knowing the direction of the relationship at all times because she was insecure. She made a habit of checking up on him via Facebook, Twitter, and even Instagram to make sure she was the only one. Her insecurities became unwieldy and she found herself out of a boyfriend after he blocked her for spying.
Ladies, to some degree we all relate to the idea of checking up on our partners. But as we mature, we let those things fall by the wayside and trust in our own decisions. If you have not gotten to this point, then pay close attention to the information I am about to give you.
The invasion of privacy for anyone is abhorrent. For a man, it is essentially a deal breaker. Men hate to be mistrusted, questioned, and spied on. They see it as an infringement on their right to be themselves in their full masculine glory. When it comes to the world of social media, there are aspects that are just games. If a man is not exclusive with a woman, his options are open. He may check women out, look at their pictures, and flirt a little. It is all smoke and mirrors. Social media, for the most part, is not the ways and means he will facilitate a relationship. If you find yourself wanting to check up on a potential partner, or you have been together for a while and you have an urge to search, think again. What you are actually doing is forcibly taking control of the relationship in order to have the upper hand. You have control issues and are masking them by finding something wrong with him. Not fair! Looking for problems in his private space means that you are not ready to trust, you don’t trust your own choices, and you have no respect for yourself.
If you need validation, you must be able to express it in your own words, in a mature fashion, without collecting evidence that puts him in a subservient position. A good man loves a woman who is upfront, assertive, honest, and loving. It is a real turn on when she allows him to just be. He is more inclined to ask for more time and eventually commitment from her when she possesses the inner strength to let him exercise his right to freedom and privacy. As a good connection grows, there will come a time when he will let go of his own need for validation from other women and bond with the woman that has respect for him. He then will be able to make the choice of forsaking all others, even on Facebook.