Truth is Beauty

lao tzuWhen you are in the midst of a confrontation with your lover, it is most difficult to see the beauty of the situation while in the center of the storm.  Sometimes the most difficult times in love relationships are those that are the most beautiful.  They are the pivotal moments of truth that accentuate the relationship’s preciousness to you both and help you to realize the investment you both have made.

Time is of the essence in relationships and truth is time’s bedfellow.   As time progresses throughout the course of your relationship, your layers begin to fall away.  Idiosyncrasies and vulnerabilities peek through the façade of perfection.  Revealing your authentic self is necessary to your well-being and happiness in both your internal relationship with yourself and the external relationship you share with the one you love most.  The course of this revelation is solely up to you, but deterring its progress is detrimental to the health of your union.

Humans, being as egoically fragile as we naturally are, are so afraid of being judged, regarded as inadequate and unworthy of love.  It is very a daunting task to strip down to the bare essentials of truth in order to receive wisdom from your partner; however, if you let him/her hold the mirror to your soul, you may be surprised at what you find.  You are most beautiful in your weakest moments.  Anyone can be strong, have it all together, and show the world their prowess.  But when it comes down to you, your lover and the intimacies you share, you are not required to hold any other power than the power to put your guard down and be honest.  How do you get to the point of believing in the beauty of the breakdown?  Preliminarily, releasing judgment, welcoming vulnerability and understanding and reasoning with your fear are the first practices.  If you cannot commit to these, you are not ready for a relationship.  Remember you are in it together.  While this may not happen overnight, it is a discipline that you both can engage in that will build more intimacy in the relationship.

Moments of truth are in the tears, the screaming, the silence, the fearful admissions, and sexual exploration with your partner – no holds barred.  All of these things carry such poetic beauty.  Your personal relationship with those moments and what they mean to you creates the foundation for your contribution to your love relationship.  If you recognize the truthful expression of your emotions as poetic, you not only experience a new form of romance (that is much more realistic than the status quo), you will be able to see the positive aspects of all your relationship struggles.  This will empower you to conquer them.

Connecting to a sense of openness in the relationship builds on each person’s truth and the truth of the relationship, thus creating unbreakable trust.  It is necessary to possess the beauty of truth within your spirit in order to make healthy decisions.  It is your authenticity that is necessary for your self-worth in the relationship.  Being honest with your needs, wants, hopes, dreams and desires will help your partner be your unwavering support.  This level of support is reinforcement of your intimate exchange of becoming one.  Do not be fearful of the difficult moments of the relationship, they are the best moments – they lead to the most cherished discoveries.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Amanda says:

    Dr. Anjana,

    You wrote: “If you recognize the truthful expression of your emotions as poetic, you not only experience a new form of romance (that is much more realistic than the status quo), you will be able to see the positive aspects of all your relationship struggles. This will empower you to conquer them.”

    This really speaks to me. In my current relationship with my partner, Joseph, we are totally truthful in the expression of our emotions. I find it does feel poetic when we are not drawn into the emotion, but rather there to see it and acknowledge it in each other.

    With love, Amanda

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    1. Anjana says:

      Hi Amanda!

      Yes. I think a lot of women are afraid to be honest with their partners at first because they don’t want to trigger any “deal breakers.” But once a woman gives herself permission to acknowledge the emotion, feel it and honestly express it, it empowers both parties!

      Would you mind sharing how you transcended your fear and got to that level of transparency?

      Love,
      Dr. Anjana

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      1. Amanda says:

        Certainly.

        It was a process that occurred as I came closer to the real me. I have had several committed relationships with the wrong men. I was not clear about who I was and was therefore, unable to choose a partner who shared my values. Instead, I chose partners, one in particular, who had a very specific idea about who I was going to be, for him. Clearly, there was no room for emotional honestly whilst in this relationship. When I finally chose to be honest with myself and with him, it was to leave the relationship.

        When I entered my relationship with Joseph, I carefully chose him. We had gotten to know each other and we clearly shared values. This offered an open door to honestly communicating my values and the openness to experience his with him. We had both done ‘work on our selves’ aka we dug deep into our souls to learn what we were struggling with. Because of this inner honesty, we both have the fortitude to be honest with each other. There are moments where this honesty is still hard, but it is nothing compared to living a life with our truth buried deep inside. Now we are in our sixth year together and have a 3 1/2 year old son.

        We are both still working on ourselves through our reading, writing, therapy, exercise, holistic nutrition…anything we can do to improve our lives separately and together. With this there are breakthrough which we absolutely love sharing with each other.

        Here’s how it goes. “How was your day, Babe?” “Well, remember how I was feeling so anxious?” “Yes.” “I told everyone in my group therapy about my panic attacks. We talked through the fear and everything just came together. I really feel so much better.” “I can see it in your face. That is just great!”

        It’s so much fun!

        With love, Amanda

        Like

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