There are two inevitabilities in relationships. The first is that there will be love. The love will be hot, exciting, deep and passionate. The second is that there will be hurt. The hurt will be personal, whether it is inadvertent or intentional. The classification of it being inadvertent or intentional depends on the lover’s perceptions. What can be seen as something benign may harken back to a past memory of a life before the life each party presently knows. The lovers then shadow box with their perceived notions and inadvertently TKO one another’s hearts.
In relationships, what is available to you and your lover is not just your redeeming qualities, your sexual prowess and your abilities to get ahead in the world. Your vulnerabilities, habits, insecurities and emotional blind spots are brought to the table as well. Your hurts and heartaches of love lost and conditioning you were raised under plays an integral role in your success/ fullness in your current relationship role. When you are ready for commitment in relationship, you are ready to accept all things within yourself whether they be positive or negative. You perceive them as what they are, aspects of your uniqueness and you see the same in your partner. If you are not ready for commitment in your relationship, you find those vulnerabilities as “deal breakers” in your partner and you ignore your own personal frailties – citing them as weakness and become a slave to self-judgment and other people’s opinions about your relationship.
Perception can become a house of mirrors by eliciting games with what you see and hear as truth from excess baggage left in your heart and mind. We all carry the war wounds of our past with us wherever we tread. According to the hurt, we set our course. At crucial times of change, the unresolved specters of our former being channel through us and change our vision, change our perspective. This creates our present reality unless we recognize who or what we are truly fighting against. A loving gesture could be perceived as threat, and a threat could be perceived as a loving gesture.
It is important to know who you are and resolve your inner war before you take it from its place of origination into a new world of dysfunction. This is how patterns of abuse are perpetuated. What we perceive in our present relationships as troublesome, is likely the same healing that needs to take place. Fighting is just a symptom.
What needs healing in your life? How can you grow beyond the pain that only you truly understand? Look within and begin to honestly address the release of some hurt through counseling, healing work, and connecting to the innocence you had before your heartbreak. Follow the path by activating catharsis in your life through projects and goals that are healing and empowering to you. Express your pain to the person who actually hurt you with compassionate dialogue, letter writing, or any other form of self-expression, whether you directly address the person or not, so that you take your forgiveness to a whole new level. Be optimistic for the life you live now, but be willing to learn the lessons given. Everyone can identify with hurt in a relationship, but it is from hurting others when it is unintended that one discovers empathy, compassion and healing.
Whether you see your skeletons in your closet rear their heads or see your lover hurt your heart, perceive those events as opportunity for positive change.