I am realizing that the center of my being is not a smooth or quiet river, but a steadfast, jagged mountainous core. It is both cavern and summit.
When I dive into the unknown realms of my inmost self, I realized I am buoyed- sustained by fuel that propels me to the top of the mountain, and drags me down to the bowels of the cavern. I swim in a river of fire, propelled by the quest to understand the ubiquitous force of life. All of it inspires me and the finite expression of it scares me.
I am learning to toughen my feet on the smoldering rocks that once stood tall as exploding volcanoes that once destroyed my city of joy, oftentimes before it was built. Progress has been made.
Oftentimes the temptation to turn away from difficult life work creeps into my consciousness. It tells me to relax, sit down. Take the easy road, but I resist as I am inexplicably drawn to the process of creating my fate.
When you create you own reality, is it still considered fate?
Carl Jung says: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
And the silent partner reveals itself as I fall into a new reality, shattering my temporal identity.
My silent partner tells me that fate is just a way we separate ourselves from our divine power. There are times when the responsibility of our charted course is too much to bear. We hide behind the largeness of traditional structure while our infinite aspects become undetectable. We are relieved when we do not have to take responsibility for mistakes that others have made, yet each and every choice is interconnected.
We are entitled as conscious beings to work with our silent partner- the larger, uncontained aspects of the force of life, the solvent that dissolves the illusion of separateness. Our humanity is the clothing that make us unrecognizable to our higher form until we master its function.
Life is the greatest costume party.
The most beautiful triumph that we can achieve in life is to be able to look at other revelers that have come to create themselves on land, in the sea and sky and say “Oh silent partner, I knew it was you all along. You look stunning in that shade of night sky.” Life is an intelligent force of relationship.
Tears flow at the majesty of it all and new life is born from the womb of my open heart.
I mourn for those who never feel the burn of love before the silent partner folds into itself.
I cry for the elusive moment, ever fading into new life.
I cry for those who cannot hear their silent partner’s whispers.
I cry for the uninspired. I want to ask them when their light was taken as I share mine with their eroding hearts.
And as I reach the summit of the mountain, I realize I cry for myself.
The swell of inspiration calls me once again to the fiery lake. I drown my ego and strip my body of its victorious skin. I will never arrive.
And as I free fall once again, I realize that my decent is my continuum. I am flying.
I am moving forward.