I Could Never Be a Surface Lover

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I can only go deep.

It seems that there is a current trend of forgoing deep meaningful relationships in an effort to protect myself from the pain of a possibly tragic break up. Maybe it’s because I am in my mid 30’s,  still single and this new collective vibe has caught my attention.

Whatever the case may be I am not a fan of this retreat to what appears to be safer waters in relationships. I hate to break it to you friends, but you can drown in two inches of water.

I have taken note of those in my sphere who have tried the shallow end of the dating pool, only to find that the pickings are slim, with small fish that end up becoming nothing more than a snack or small meal that has left them starving after empty hearted consumption.

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For me, love is an issue of great depth and importance.

It is not something I can enter into lightly. I am well aware of the risks and the rewards and am still willing to live among the waves if its absence and presence as I wait. I have learned to love the still of this ocean as its currant supports me along with the sound of the quiet and the roar of the water.

A few years ago I was introduced to the song Cool Change by the Little River Band. It became an intricate part of my life. One of my favorite verses is:

“Well, I was born in the sign of water
and it is there that I feel my best.
the whale and the albatross are my brother. It’s kind of a special thing
When your out on the sea alone, staring at the moon, like a lover.”

It’s true that a life of solitude takes some getting used to, but the rewards have been exponential. I am comfortable in my own skin. I am happy even when alone with my own thoughts. I am no longer haunted by the storms of yesterday and the nights that made me question if I would see the light of day again.

I have found peace with myself and the ocean. The evening sky has truly become intricate part of my existence. It’s in these moments of quiet solitude that I have discovered the ability to be my own best friend. Encouraging, uplifting, and simply enjoying my own company has been a reward for all of the effort. It’s not easy to fall in love with yourself.  You have to get used to looking beyond the flaws to see the jewel that is the real you. If what I seek never appears, my years of the oceanic journey will not be in vain, I am not empty. I am filled with my own joy, self confidence, and peaceful happiness. These things are worth their weight in gold.

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