When Anger Consumes You

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 “Anybody can be angry, but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, that is not easy.” ~Aristotle

Anger isn’t the kind of emotion that puts the rest of the world in check while it empowers you; it attacks your vital organs while you stand in its systemically destructive path. It has a universal effect from which no one is exempt. It is like an uncontrollable forest fire that begins innocently enough: a little friction coupled with the just right upwind from other’s actions breezing by your personal demons as they stumble over your tripwire triggers.

You may notice becoming engulfed at the slightest poke or rub against a partially healed emotional scab. Your subconscious mind and higher spiritual awareness have been prompting you to understand the presence of your pain, but in the core of your solar plexus, your chained ego flares. Your desire to feel the power of the raging flame takes over, destroying trust, connections, and blessings in your enchanted heart space. When the fire starts to burn, you don’t expect it to spread as rapidly. You have not realized that your angry spirit was quietly pouring gasoline over the people you hold dear and the aspects of your life that mean the most. They are the first to burn alive from the spark of rage in your eyes. As you reach out to try to stop the carnage, relationship ashes fall through your fingers.

And then your fear takes hold.

You realize you are engulfed in a cycle of repression and destruction. Your heart is calloused from the difficult job of hunting resources to rebuild your emotional shelter. There in the rubble of your heart space, lies a truth that quietly awaits your attention.

Repression is a self-worthiness issue. Your repression tells you in the voice of a familiar teacher that your anger is not acceptable.

There has been a societal conditioning against speaking emotional truth and that such negative emotions are meant to be hidden, avoided. It would be better to kill a video game character than to bother busy parents with an emotional issue; it is more socially acceptable to express niceties in public and rage on your family at home. We are not supposed to be angry about the things others do to us, but instead turn the other flushed cheek, stuff it away. Relax, forget about it and pretend to be grateful. Suck it up, have a drink, watch television, absorb yourself in other people’s drama, and eat an entire package of cookies. Have sex with someone you don’t care about, manipulate other’s confidences in you, play games with their emotions. Repress, act out. repress, repress, repeat.

This veneer is a carcinogen in the collective human experience that has touched all of us and eroded our mental well-being. It is the reason for senseless violence and successful sale of fear based news. Those of us that repress have this mental, emotional, and spiritual tick that causes a desire to find something to be angry about that has nothing to do with the storm that rages within, therefore the absolution of personal responsibility is complete. Rage is the result of the fear of anger becoming so profound, that spirit, under the weight of it all, explodes in a volatile eruption to discover truth through destruction. The unbalanced ego comes into play, stopping the misplaced soul search to hunt down hapless containers to poison.

When anger has developed into a hot, compact coal used unwieldy in the blind projection of heated words and unexpressed hurts, the only outcome you can expect is more destruction. Anger is commonly used to hide vulnerability as it stands as a venomous gate keeper at the most tender area of the heart. It confuses you into believing that your outbursts are justifiable, that you need not look at yourself, because you were wronged by the presence of another person’s issues, inconvenienced by anxiety over their problems. It is the cardinal emotion of victim mentality. And as you reflect on your own process of anger, a hidden truth is present in all that surrounds you: car, house, job, money, platitudes, and pleasantries alike.

You can own lifetimes of treasures, but it means nothing if you can’t own your shit.

A Prayer for the Angry Spirit:

Thank you demons within me

I see you manifest around me

I run with you in the direction of my truth

I open myself to your teachings

I release myself from judgment

I am worthy of my authentic emotional state

Sitting with your anger, giving it attention and a voice will soothe the burn and open a new doorway to your heart. There you will discover broken dreams, hurts and unresolved disappointments at the fiery hearth. This is your sacred space to mourn the losses, and rebuild confidence in your life. When you freely express your emotions, you free the hearts of others, for they too will have the courage to say I am angry, I am disappointed, I am hurt. I forgive.

Happiness is the elixir of holiness, dispensed from the center of an open heart. Be unafraid to access your holiness by acknowledging the scope of its vastness and the wide range of mixed feelings, uncontrollable love, and unkempt frailty that is your greatest power.

 

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